TV's 'The Unit' suspected of assassinating Lebanese minister Pierre Gemayel

On Wednesday. November 22nd, The UN Security Council approved a request from the Lebanese Prime Minister Fouad Siniora for help in investigating the assassination of the Industry Minister Pierre Gemayel.

The UN immediately responded by allocating the important mission to one of it's most secret teams of undercover investigators. The identity of such a team remains a highly classified military secret.

However, sources have revealed that already, they have a list of possible suspects.
Top of that list are the cast members of the popular American TV show 'The Unit'.

Members of 'The Unit': prime suspects.

The UN investigators are trying to gather evidence to link 'the Unit' to the assassination.
It seems that the spray of bullets closely matches that found in the windshield of the private car of South american druglord Enormuso Cajones (season 2, episode 3).

Investigator uses opportunity to test out the macro mode on his new camera.

Also, 'The Unit' has been connected to several key asassinations in the Middle East region, throughout the course of the three series. Most significant among these is the 'taking out' of the ficticious Lebanese chief Hezbollah leader Yallah Habibi, in season one.

A spokesperson for the TV company in charge of making this series commented that:
"This is ridiculous! These guys are just actors, acting out a ficticious show, for crying out loud! They've never even been to Lebanon! We film everything in a used parking lot in South Los Angeles. None of these guys can shoot for shit! This is totally ridiculous! However, it's great publicity for the show and the Network says 'go with it'."

The Chief UN investigator replied with:
"Aha! This is exactly what they want you to think! That these men are not crack soldiers. But just look at the way that they infiltrated the Generalissimo's fortress in season 2! And how they took out an entire squadron of North Korean crack commandos in season one, using just a pair of chopsticks and a bowl of hot noodles!! No sir, these guys are dangerous, and they have been SEEN carrying out acts of asassination, all over the world! This must end! No one is above the law!!I shall see to it that season 5 is filmed from the inside of a maximum security stockade. The same one the A-Team was in...before they escaped. Curse them!"

This secretive military unit is seemingly answerable to no one. They have demonstrated violations of international protocol and have been linked to over 35 diplomatic assassinations in places as far afield as Agfhanistan, Makethisupistan, Comulbia, Bovilia and even the former URSS.
The UN is seeking permission from the United States government to examine post production tapes of season four and access to all scripts for past, present and future episodes.


An uncomfirmed source in the UN has leaked the possible identity of the top secret team sent to investigate this asassination.
Speaking in monotone, the unidentified UN spokesperson only gave this brief statement:

"In November, 2006, a crack commando unit was sent to Lebanon by the UN to investigate a crime they didn't commit. These men previously escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If the UN has a problem, if no one else can help, and if no planes are involved, then maybe the UN can hire the … A-Team."

They love it when a plan comes together.

Said spokesperson then proceeded to fire a submachine gun into the air (for what he later claimed was 'dramatic effect').

Investigations are ongoing.

(It is not my intention to make light of the murder of another human being. I apologise if this is the impression I have created. The UN investigative team has reported the existence of evidence to link 15 cases of politcally motivated attacks, since last year's asassination of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik al-Hariri. Seems like all sh*t is going down in this beautiful country. As usual, the people who suffer most are the innocent women and children and non combatants, stuck in the middle of it all. This report is ficticious...or is it?)