Thoughts and experiences from this simple creature, called Chris. How well do you know him? Do you even care? Probably less so, after reading this:

Monday, January 7

Today's bargains at Hardoffs:

Today, I went to Seya Hardoff/OffHouse and Tsurugmaine Hardoff/OffHouse.
I bought my Mellow Yellow jacket, among other things.

Bargains I saw were:
A mini hotplate and mug:The small hotplate would keep the mug of coffee/tea/wahtever hot for as long as you wanted. I thought this would be handy on my computer desk or at work. These days, I haven't ben taking the time to sue my espresso machine or cappuccino maker. Even too lazy to fill the filter coffee machine. Definitely too lazy to fire up the old cyphon and wait for that baby to get going. Instead, I fill up a French Press (or cafettier-cafffetierre-cafetiere-cafitierre-French press).
Badaboom-badabing! and hey presto, the coffee's ready before you can correctly spell cafetierre. I use my 4 cup, golden plated (not real gold), glass cafetierre, with silver serving tray and matching sugar bowl and tea spoon with tiny crystal resting tray for spoon or used tea bag.
Anyway, the first cup is great. Piping hot and fresh. I drink that ebfore the time it takes to spell - well, you get the picture. The problem arise as I make a second cup. By then the coffee has cooled in the French press. It's not optimum temperature any more. Nuts.
What to do. Reheating in a microwave does nothing for the flavours.
I'm hoping this little baby can sort things out and bring me back to rich, smooth, mellow, steaming coffee bliss.
Is it just me, or do you also think that the word 'bliss' deserves an extra couple of s's?
I mean, if it is to be onamatopaeic, then surely 'blissssss' would be more fitting?
Just a thought.
I paid the maximum I would pay for this little beauty: 500yen.
I'd prefer 300 but I haven't seen any for that price. I'd also not mind of it was just the hotplate. At first, I thought the mug was a special one that suited the hotplate. After I opened the box, I relaised that it was just a cheap normal mug. It does have a cute design, though.

Next up was an alcohol breathaliser:"SAFE!!!!"
I figured this would be useful. If it's accurate, then it can be used to persuade drunken idiots that they shoudln't drive home. I can also check to see how 'tipsy', I officialy am.
According to this readout, I was borderline, after a HackerPschorr Munich Gold (just 170yen at Isetan) and a Yokohama Pilsner, about 2 hours before that (although I did take a big mouthful of lager, before blowing inot the instrument).
Just 300yen. Novelty value justified. Curiosity of the drunken cat quenched.
I repeated the reading after a Jever Pilsner and it seems I'm still legally allowed to careen down the expressway at speeds unkown to my little Attacker, with the radio blaring at a very distracting volume but not nearly as distracting as my in car TV, showing a stupid slapstick variety show.
"Shut up kids! Gonna make me spill my beer!"

Next up, a pair of Namahages:Awesome.

Namahages are a kind of demon that, at new year, comes out and terrorises the local inhabitants of towns and villages.
Here's the Legend of the Namahage of Oga (in Akita):

Legend has it that the Han emperor brought five demonic ogres with him to Japan a little more than two millennia ago. These oni, as they are most commonly called in Jpanese, stole crops and young women from Oga's villages.

The villagers dicided to trick these ogres, promising to give up all their young women if the demons could build a stone staircase of one thousand stairs in a single night. If, on the other hand, the oni failed to reach the local temple to which the staires were to be built, they would have to leave Oga never to return again.

The ogres accepted, and had reached 999 stairs when a quick-witted villager imitated a cock crowing for the arrival of down.

The surprised and dismayed oni fled, never to be seen again.

This was taken from an excellent website with lots of information on the Namahage. To go to the Namahage Museum website, click HERE.

Well, a certain someone and I hope to go to this festival, on the new year. "Hang on," you may ask "but isn't new year on Jan 1st?". For us, it is. But not traditionally in Japan. I think a lot of Japanese forget that they didn't always use our system of days and months. A long time ago, they used the Chinese calender. This time around, this festival occurs between the 13th and 15th February.

Should be awesome, if I can make it. You can be sure I'll be wearing my 'Mellow Yellow'. I don't regret not buying 'The Tangerine Molester'.

Staying on the sexually deviant theme, I discovered something, hidden away behind some more respectful items:This was a Hard Gay suit! Niiiiiiice!!!!
Hard Gay Razor Ramon is a popular character on Japanese TV.He prances about in tight black leather hotpants and screams "whooooo!" a lot, whilst gyrating furiously into people's faces. That's basically about it. But it's caught on.

I just couldn't resist.Not quite the same thing, is it?
Unfortunately, I snapped off the fastener on the hot pants.
They just couldn't hold me.
I couldn't see a price, so I gently put them back.

Oh well, someone else will have to live out some of their deluded fantasies...

The next and final bargain I found was this Canadian fleeced tank top:I guess I'm trying to look Canadian?
It was just 500yen, but I used my discount coupons and ended up paying 100yen!!!!
Nice one!
It's now helping me to keep warm, as I type away at my computer, in the freezing wee hours of the night.
I mean in the early hours of the morning, not the time in the cold night when urine freezes.
That brass monkey and I have it hard, I tell you.
Urgh, I just made another inyourendoh.

Okay, had two more beers. another Hacker Pschorr:And a Jever:That's 2 of each, plus a Yokohama Pilsner about 2 hours before these four. Let's test myself and see if I can take the chopper back to the jungel, to pick up the stranded special forces team that have been pinned down by enemy fire:
Well, it's borderline, but I think those brave boys of Bravo team will be in luck.

All they have to do now is:



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