Thoughts and experiences from this simple creature, called Chris. How well do you know him? Do you even care? Probably less so, after reading this:

Friday, February 27

If you want to know the history of tea, ask a monkey.


There you go.
(Also uncludes shameless endorsments for PG Tips - which just happens to be my favourite.)

Tuesday, February 17

What time is it? Why, it's TIME FOR A BEER! - the best training!

It's beer o' clock and I'm thirsty.
Mmmmurphy's Irish stout - it's what it's all about.
Good stuff. Smooth, dark, velvety, creamy, malty, lovely. 7/10. Only 390yen at Yamaya supermarkets.

To hell with my good night's sleep, in anticipation of tomorrow's 20km stumble/stagger, chasing after junior and senior high school athletes, whilst occasionally checking that I can still feel my legs and my broken spine hasn't exploded from the constant jarring impacts from the tarmac.
Yes, it's the Japanese high school's annual 'Marathon day'.
Marathon in the sense of 4km for junior high school students and 6 for seniors.
I usually run all the races. 4, 4, 6 & 6 km.
They are staggered, so by the time I've finished one, the other has already started. I'm constantly playing 'catch up' with the little buggers.
Needless to say, I'm not getting any medals, by the time I finish.
I don't race, I run. I love it. Just like swimming in raw sewage.

The thing is, just 2 weeks ago, my poor back gave out.
I was in agony for about 10 days. I started to get better, but had a minor relapse at a wine convention (ended up losing my memory, my digital camera, belt, sweater and underpants). Woke up the next morning with no memory and wounds on my back and left leg that still haven't healed. I don't know where I went or how I got home. Scary stuff.
Anyway, I can more or less stand up in the mornings without the aid of artificial aids (whoah, don't go there, son). I'm walking up straight and can more or less maintain a slow jog for about 100m. I'll see how many km I can do tomorrow. I reckon once the joy of the run gets in my system, I'll be off like a mad dog.
If I do get tired, I can always employ the strategy I used last year:

It didn't work then and I doubt if it will work this year, either. Still, it was interesting to try and I enjoyed the looks I got as I ran round the 4km course - in reverse.
Anything to break up the monotony of a forced run for the poor kids who have no choice and no chance of putting in a good time. A thankless hurculean task they are set by their taskmasters, 'for their own good'.
So, whilst the other teachers are talking amongst themselves, unaware and uncaring of the struggle most kids are undertaking or stewarding the run with blank expressionless faces or even dressed up in their tight spandex, reliving their unsuccessful youth and racing the faster students (getting off on their ability to run faster than a kid with 20% bodyfat and asthma), I'm trudging my way round the course with the slow kids, joking and chatting and trying to get them to appreciate their surroundings and getting them to relax and actually run and enjoy it.
For me, the measure of how good a class is or how healthy the school students are is not how fast the best students can run 6km in. No, sir. Rather, I think it's the time the slowest students come in. That's where I am. That's where I'm needed. The fast kids don't care about anything but being No.1.Anything else simply isn't good enough. It's quite sad. Most kids are setting themselves up for dissapointment from the off.
I like to run with the other kids, the real kids, overtaking them and eventually perhaps catching them up again on the next lap round. Constantly encouraging and joking and getting them to breathe correctly and relax and not try to sprint uphill and just relax and fly downhill. It's amazing the effort that some kids can suddenly put in, if only someone cares enough to encourage them. I have so many great memories of slowly running with kids, be they overweight or injured or just plain unfit. Just staying with them and making their run more bearable by talking and encouraging and accompanying them I believe makes all the difference.
No one left behind.

I make sure the last person in every race is one silly Welshman, not a poor unfit sad young boy or girl. For me, it's far more important to be last, not first.
I enjoy those races much, much more.

Jeez, I'm waffling.
I think I may be s-o-b-e-r-i-n-g up. Sh*t.

Well, it's 1am. Gotta get at least 5 hrs sleep in before I do the 20km.

Maybe I should get another beer?
Would it help or hinder my progess, tomorrow morning?
According to this article, it won't help at all.
Bloody diet channel.What do they know?
Some people justify alcohol consumption the night before an athletic event or training session by calling it a part of their carb-loading routine. Of course most people are saying this in jest, but some people actually believe it. However, the truth is that drinking alcohol can really hurt your athletic performance. It dehydrates you and interferes with normal blood sugar control. If you become dehydrated or hypoglycemic during an event, you are not likely to perform well. You might not even be able to finish. Although beer does contain some carbohydrates, it is a very poor source. Two-thirds of the calories in beer come from alcohol.
If you do drink beer while you are training, make sure to drink plenty of water. Eliminate alcohol altogether in the days leading up to a race, as well as before very long runs. Beer undermines your efforts to hydrate adequately.
Sod that.
I'm getting another beer.
Who wants to live forever?
Well, I wouldn't mind.
Perhaps the question should be - who want's to live forever, sober?
Eh? Ay! Do you?
Well, do you?
Nah, didn't think so.

Wednesday, February 11

I now have 3 Sony pieces of sh*t, 2 that don't f*cking work.


However, 1 of them does work.
I just don't know what it f*cking does.

Tuesday, February 10

I got the digicam blues

Bugger.

I lost/had stolen TWO digital cameras within 10 bloody days!
Both were Sony DSC P-150.
Nice cameras.
I got the first from a friend and changed the broken screen on it. Then, after it was stolen on my birthday, I picked up another for a good price.
That one dissapeared, a mere week or so later, after a particularly bad evening returning from a wine festival (somehow, I lost my camera, case, the belt it was attached to, my good black sweater and my underpants - not to mention all memory of where the f**k I'd left them or how I'd cut up my back and left leg and somehow managed to deficate in my suit trousers - as you do.). That was one expensive wine festival.

Well, I've been researching (boy, have I been researching!) and I wanted a number of things from my perfect camera:
  • Good low light capabilities (want to take shots of beer in bars).
  • Wide angle (so I can get close to the beer and take pics of bars).
  • Long zoom (in case I want to sneak a pic of someone else's beer/girlfriend).
  • Optical image stabilisation (in case the beer/girlfriend is so awesome, I can't control hand shake).
  • Zoom in movie mode (so I can get 'right in on the action' from a safe distance).
I already have a few cameras.

For long zoom and good movie mode, plus optical image stabilisation, I have the Canon S2is:
For wide angle, I have the Ricoh Caplio R1:
For a fast point and shoot, I HAD the Sony DSC P-150:

Alas, after losing 2, I'm now back to the good old P100:For low light shots, I recently picked up a Fujifilm finepix F11:It's no F30/F31, but it's not bad. Great high ISO sensitivity and adjustable shutter speed and aperture.

So, now I have 4 cameras.
Basically, if I go out somewhere, I have to be loaded up like Arnold Shwarzenegger in Commando.You know Commando? In case you forgot, here's a 3 minute reminder:

Well, I searched online and found 3 cameras which I thought looked good. The Fuji finepix f100fd:
The Samsung thingynewthingythatisn'tsoldinJapan:
The Panasonic TZ5 which doesn't have an English operating system:
The Panasonic had nice pics but the color was too saturated. The long zoom and wide angle were great, as was the ability to zoom in movie mode. Alos you could record movies in Hd format (720). Lack of English wasn't a plus.

The Samsung wasn't available over here, which is weird. You can find Samsung TVs, montiors, fridges, etc. but no digital cameras. Hmmm...

The Fuji looked pretty good. It was compact, wide angle, 5x zoom, optical image stabilised and was also good in low light. I found one for only 16,000yen but when I got to the shop, some a-hole had bought it just hours earlier. I should have gone before work.

I'm now checking internet autction sites for a bargain.
Talking about internet auction sites, I picked up another cheap P100 to replace my lost cameras.
I got it for under 6000yen, which wasn't too bad.
However, it arrived in not so mint condition.
Also there was dust on the sensor.
After a quick and easy clean of the sensor, the view looked better (but still not perfect).
Here's a link on how to do that.

Still, I wasn't happy. The lens didn't come out very smoothly. It had obviously taken a few bumps.
I decided to return it and buy the 6980yen P100 I'd seen in a store in Akihabara.
The guy wasn't happy for me to return it but once I explained the problems and included a P100 box plus software, cables and manual, he changed his mind. Of course, the thing would be worth more now it had all the stuff.

The camera I picked up from Akihabara was in great condition. The sensor was clean from dust.
However, the great boys in the electronics store had not checked the movie mode.
I discovered last night that there was no sound.

Bugger.

I decided to try to fix it, using parts from my other two broken P100s.

I took out all the screws.
Then I removed the back panel.
So far, so good.
Then comes the tricky part.
You have to disconnect the main power ribbon cable.
"But wemembah, be vewy, vewy cawefuw... ....I'm hunting wabbits!"
No - mean be very careful when prying loose the cable that you don't accidentally slice the ribbon in half, thereby rendering the whole camera useless.
I only did that the one time. I'll admit, using the flat (sharp) end of a flat head scredriver probably wasn't a good idea - in hind sight.
One point to note is to not touch the capacitor. It packs quite a whollop, I can tell you! I must ahve electrocuted myself about 20 times on that little b*stard.
Okay, now that's done, the next step is to disconnect that little bugger of a broken speaker.
alos, be careful here.
When you're done there, just repeat the process with the other camera. Then reconnect and test (just make sure you don't get trapped inside as you're putting the thing back together).
The end result? Listen for yourself!

Well, the sound works, so the operation was succesful.
Pity about the test subject.

Now, I'm thinking about putting the broken speaker back on the camera and returning it and getting the shocking pink DSC P-200 that is on sale (80% off!) in Akihabara. But who's willing to bet that the bloody thing will be gone by the time I get there?
The P200 is a slightly bette camera. Has the same sensor and more or less operation system. It includes manual white balance and a few other touches.
It's also 7.2 mega, as opposed to 5 in the P100.
It's slightly newer and this one is shocking pink (whichwould go well with my eyes).
Hmmm...3,200 yen for a pink camera? Plus 800yen to get there and back.

Decisions, decisions...

Still got the digicam blues.