Thoughts and experiences from this simple creature, called Chris. How well do you know him? Do you even care? Probably less so, after reading this:

Wednesday, January 23

Go on, have a drink on me


Just had a Dogfish Head Brewing's 90 Minute IPA.
Ouch.
Very, very nice.
Caps a nice little session.

In reverse drinking order:
Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA
8.5/10
(possible only Stone Brewing Ruination IPA can top this - only just)

Dogfish Head Midas Touch:
6/10.
High alcohol taste and very sweet. Not a beer but a very interesting drink.
(Based on a recipe deduced from drinking vessels uncovered in King Midfas's tomb, making it possibly the oldest beer in the world)

Ginga Kogen Pale Ale:
4/10
This brewery used to be the best microbrewer in Japan. Not any more. From what I know and can't be bothered to comfirm, the company went bust? Thier cool interesting beer restaurants closed and their really good beer styles dissapeared. They still have one of the best wheat beers (their Belgian wit beer, suprisingly, as they have a weissen but its not as nice) but discontinued their other good brews. They were taken over by some guys in suits who don't seem to know fudge all about what made their company make great beer in the first place. Seems money is the be all and end all. Now they've brought out a 'pale ale'. I say bullsh*t. It tastes silly. Like someone's version of what they think a pale ale should taste like for the Japanese market. Why not just make a real pale ale and not patronise the Japanese drinking public? Someday, the kids have gotta grow up, if thjey're ever to fend for themselves. But heaven forbid that should happen! then all this marketing of crap stuff wouldn't pay off. Come on guys, no more coddling. Get your heads outta your a**es. "Quit messin with tha juice!" This pale ale is not very good. The guys in suits need to stop making the decisions on product lines and just sell the beer. Even the design is insulting. They keep most of the logo and the color of their best selling beer and try to use that to sell this stuff. As if the name alone is't enough. I think the kind of people these silly tricks are aimed at are the kind of people who would never pay 260 yen for a can of real beer, when they can pay far less for some bland crap with the equivalent alcohol. I get really dissapointed by this type of sh*t. It's a shame. I think it used tobe a really interesting company. Seems like they tried to be one of the big boys. Who wants to be one of them? Almost all their beer lacks flavor and the brands lack character. Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

Old Slug English Porter:
British porter. Not bad but lacking in body strength and a little watery. Little weak tasting.
5.5-6/10.
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Gotta forget all this and remember the beer I just drank.
Thank you, Dogfish Head.
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Monday, January 7

Today's bargains at Hardoffs:

Today, I went to Seya Hardoff/OffHouse and Tsurugmaine Hardoff/OffHouse.
I bought my Mellow Yellow jacket, among other things.

Bargains I saw were:
A mini hotplate and mug:The small hotplate would keep the mug of coffee/tea/wahtever hot for as long as you wanted. I thought this would be handy on my computer desk or at work. These days, I haven't ben taking the time to sue my espresso machine or cappuccino maker. Even too lazy to fill the filter coffee machine. Definitely too lazy to fire up the old cyphon and wait for that baby to get going. Instead, I fill up a French Press (or cafettier-cafffetierre-cafetiere-cafitierre-French press).
Badaboom-badabing! and hey presto, the coffee's ready before you can correctly spell cafetierre. I use my 4 cup, golden plated (not real gold), glass cafetierre, with silver serving tray and matching sugar bowl and tea spoon with tiny crystal resting tray for spoon or used tea bag.
"Oooooooooh!"
Anyway, the first cup is great. Piping hot and fresh. I drink that ebfore the time it takes to spell - well, you get the picture. The problem arise as I make a second cup. By then the coffee has cooled in the French press. It's not optimum temperature any more. Nuts.
What to do. Reheating in a microwave does nothing for the flavours.
I'm hoping this little baby can sort things out and bring me back to rich, smooth, mellow, steaming coffee bliss.
Is it just me, or do you also think that the word 'bliss' deserves an extra couple of s's?
I mean, if it is to be onamatopaeic, then surely 'blissssss' would be more fitting?
Just a thought.
I paid the maximum I would pay for this little beauty: 500yen.
I'd prefer 300 but I haven't seen any for that price. I'd also not mind of it was just the hotplate. At first, I thought the mug was a special one that suited the hotplate. After I opened the box, I relaised that it was just a cheap normal mug. It does have a cute design, though.

Next up was an alcohol breathaliser:"SAFE!!!!"
I figured this would be useful. If it's accurate, then it can be used to persuade drunken idiots that they shoudln't drive home. I can also check to see how 'tipsy', I officialy am.
According to this readout, I was borderline, after a HackerPschorr Munich Gold (just 170yen at Isetan) and a Yokohama Pilsner, about 2 hours before that (although I did take a big mouthful of lager, before blowing inot the instrument).
Just 300yen. Novelty value justified. Curiosity of the drunken cat quenched.
I repeated the reading after a Jever Pilsner and it seems I'm still legally allowed to careen down the expressway at speeds unkown to my little Attacker, with the radio blaring at a very distracting volume but not nearly as distracting as my in car TV, showing a stupid slapstick variety show.
"Shut up kids! Gonna make me spill my beer!"

Next up, a pair of Namahages:Awesome.

Namahages are a kind of demon that, at new year, comes out and terrorises the local inhabitants of towns and villages.
Here's the Legend of the Namahage of Oga (in Akita):

Legend has it that the Han emperor brought five demonic ogres with him to Japan a little more than two millennia ago. These oni, as they are most commonly called in Jpanese, stole crops and young women from Oga's villages.

The villagers dicided to trick these ogres, promising to give up all their young women if the demons could build a stone staircase of one thousand stairs in a single night. If, on the other hand, the oni failed to reach the local temple to which the staires were to be built, they would have to leave Oga never to return again.

The ogres accepted, and had reached 999 stairs when a quick-witted villager imitated a cock crowing for the arrival of down.

The surprised and dismayed oni fled, never to be seen again.

This was taken from an excellent website with lots of information on the Namahage. To go to the Namahage Museum website, click HERE.

Well, a certain someone and I hope to go to this festival, on the new year. "Hang on," you may ask "but isn't new year on Jan 1st?". For us, it is. But not traditionally in Japan. I think a lot of Japanese forget that they didn't always use our system of days and months. A long time ago, they used the Chinese calender. This time around, this festival occurs between the 13th and 15th February.

Should be awesome, if I can make it. You can be sure I'll be wearing my 'Mellow Yellow'. I don't regret not buying 'The Tangerine Molester'.

Staying on the sexually deviant theme, I discovered something, hidden away behind some more respectful items:This was a Hard Gay suit! Niiiiiiice!!!!
Hard Gay Razor Ramon is a popular character on Japanese TV.He prances about in tight black leather hotpants and screams "whooooo!" a lot, whilst gyrating furiously into people's faces. That's basically about it. But it's caught on.

I just couldn't resist.Not quite the same thing, is it?
Unfortunately, I snapped off the fastener on the hot pants.
They just couldn't hold me.
I couldn't see a price, so I gently put them back.

Oh well, someone else will have to live out some of their deluded fantasies...


The next and final bargain I found was this Canadian fleeced tank top:I guess I'm trying to look Canadian?
It was just 500yen, but I used my discount coupons and ended up paying 100yen!!!!
Nice one!
It's now helping me to keep warm, as I type away at my computer, in the freezing wee hours of the night.
I mean in the early hours of the morning, not the time in the cold night when urine freezes.
That brass monkey and I have it hard, I tell you.
Urgh, I just made another inyourendoh.
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Okay, had two more beers. another Hacker Pschorr:And a Jever:That's 2 of each, plus a Yokohama Pilsner about 2 hours before these four. Let's test myself and see if I can take the chopper back to the jungel, to pick up the stranded special forces team that have been pinned down by enemy fire:
Well, it's borderline, but I think those brave boys of Bravo team will be in luck.

All they have to do now is:

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They call me 'Mellow Yellow'

Could be worse, I suppose.

Well, I finally got a jacket. An all weather, storm proof, lightweight, kick-ass, mellow yellow winter jacket. I can take it skiing, snowboarding, gorilla hunting, cycling, shopping, on trips to the zoo or maybe the park, on romantic cruises down the Tsumida river, any damn where I please.

It wasn't cheap.
But a certain someone bought it for me. For the time being, at least.

Here it is, in all it's glory:
(Apologies about the model, it's all I could get with such short notice and limited budget - he was given the smaller half of a vending machine cafe mocha, after the shoot)
As I look at the pictures again, I think it's not a very nice looking jacket.
Sod it. I bought it now.
Still, it keeps me safe on the roads. Cars can easily see my bright yellow midsection, protruding over the strained handlebars.
Hang on, that sounded dirty.

It's actually very comfortable. Nice and warm and I have those awesome cool underarm zipped air conditioning meshed compartments that I find really cool. It's a pity the hood isnt removeable, but then I suppose this way it's even more storm proof and waterproof, as nothing can get in. It's not as padded as I would probably want, if, for example, I was up a mountain, lost, lonely and in desperate need of a yak. I said 'yak'. However, as I mentioned, it's easy enough to add a Canadian fleeced tank top (which works wonderfully, I might add - keeps naughty old Jack Frost from mah belleh!) or another layer underneath. plenty of room in there.

I guess you could say that I know own the 'Last Action Jacket':It's great in the rain:
It's an awesome jacket.___________________________

Sunday, January 6

Which jacket should I not get?

All of them.

I was in a hardoff in Kawasaki yesterday, looking at buying a nice cheap used ski jacket. It's cold outside.
I didn't find many I liked but I did see so many nasty examples of fashion.

Here's a selection:

Kind of looks like I've been peppered with bullets from the uzi of the fashion police. Perhaps the company had material left over from various jackets and decided to pump out just one more.

Kong:
Perhaps I should have mimicked the pose on the jacket, but it was pretty embarrassing at the time, so I wasn't thinking that clearly. Also, as soon as I was trying to take some photos, people would appear out of nowhere and walk into my shot.It was so frustrating. Someone would look down the ailse, see me trying to take a photo, then walk in front of the camera, or look at a jacket smack between the camera and I, then walk off after the timer goes off. They had no intention of buying a jacket. I think it's the same mentality here that people, when they see a long queue, automatically want to join it, as they think there must be something good at the end. If you've ever tried to get a crispy creme donut over here, you'll understand. It's insane. People queuing for HOURS, for a piece of crap that they ASSUME must be amazing, because so many other idiots are queuing up for it!
"Ooooh! I hate those people!!!!!"

One woman in particular was a frustration. The bloody cleaner. I swear she came through my shot 3 times in less than ten minutes. The store is huge. She can't possibly have covered the entire floor surface in three minutes. What's more, I'd been at the other end of the store, 5 minutes previously and she'd passed me twice then! Sweeping right where I was standing. Either she is a complete idiot with zero social skills (look who's talking/listen to who's typing), or she is an evil genius matermind who, in between plotting to destroy the world, delights in tormenting frustrated foreigners, trying to take photos of themselves wearing ridiculous ski jackets.How did she get across the floor so fast? Was she following me? Was she part of a clone cleaner conspiracy? If I were to climb up above the aisle of jackets, would I see a veritable army of cloned cleaners, slowly cleaning in concentric circles, covering the complete store? I have to change my keyboard now, I seem to have damaged the c key.

So, I finally managed to get a shot with the yellow jacket.
The color wasn't so bad, but the English was.
8-beat. Expectation that nature.

Answers please, on a stamped, addressed postcard.

In Russia, men wear interesting colors and try to look happy and carefree:
...and if someone laughs, zen we destroy them.

Here's a nice one. I was trying to get my version of the classic look 'Blue Steel'.
However, I think I just look like I'm trying to molest a walrus.I call this one 'The Tangerine Molester'.
Scary.

Here's a good one. Parents, don't let your kids near this man.
I think the owner of this jacket was violently sick across it, but I can't be sure where.Quite an explosion of colors here. I think it helps if you're off your face on high end drugs.

Finally, a jacket to test your camera's color balance by:It shall be replacing the old color test, for the BBC:
But the runaway winner, ladies and gentlemen, is this masterpiece,
simply refeered to as 'Hey Boy':Classic. I can see people furiously skiing away from me on the piste, if I go out wearing this number. At least I should have no trouble finding a spare seat at the cafeteria.

One jacket-pants combination that I did find was a great deal was this:Seemed to be in reasonable condition. The set for only 3,500yen. Not bad. Alas, too small for my portly frame. Never mind. I know a few Canadians who may be interested.

Saying that, there may be a more suitable jacket for me:


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The Great German Cook - I said 'cook'

Best jugs in town!Recently (about an hour ago) I was inside the Great German Cook. Perhaps a misleading sentence to start my entry with, I suppose. This Great German Cook is actually a German beer bar/restaurant, in Tsurumi.
The webiste for the GREAT GERMAN COOK.Once you find it, you will find it a very accommodating place.
A really nice, relaxed atmosphere, although slightly smoker friendly. Temperature-wise it's cool at the front but a lot warmer at the back, near the kitchen. Seated tabled benches for around 50 and bar stools for around a dozen at a squeeze. The beer is well popured by a very attractive and skillfull barmaid and served by an equally eyepleasing server (can I say that without sounding like putting the women down in any way? If not, then I apologise).

Here's the map from their website:Here's my Google Earth map:So, I take it you can find this place.

Once you're in, you'll see a few bench tables 'seating around 20 or so and then a semi-circle bar on the left hand side (past the Dutch heap), with stool specimens for around a dozen. (apologies for poor quality keitai shots)
Past that are two or three tables for around another 20 and the glass partitioned kitchen on the right, with toilets on the left.The place has been open for around 10years.
The menu, like the bar is quite impressive:An awesome beer menu featuring at least 11 quality draught beers. Of which I can recommend the Weihenstephaner, Jever and Lowenbrau (if you let it defrost) wholeheartedly. Their house beer, Erdinger, is somewhat unusual in taste. All the 'locals ' were ordering it, however. By far the best weissen on tap was the Weihenstephaner. I regard Erdinger as the 'bud' of weissbiers, seeing as you can find it anywhere and it's totally mass produced and overhyped. I think it doesn't compare to a Schneider or other comparable beers (bit of a strange sentence, there).
They also have a nice selection of bottled beer including a few Belgians.
One point to mention is the interesting offer they have as a beer set (bottom of the menu). The price depends on the particular beer and size you choose and you can have two side orders of food for a minimum charge. Seems like good value. Unfortunately, I rushed my order and missed out on this, as, by the time I noticed it, I'd already ordered the German Potatoes.
Scheisse!!

Still, the beer - how was it?

First up was a Weihenstephaner Weiss bier:Daayam!
Very well poured and tasted just as I'd remembered it. Fantastic.
1,050yen.
7.5/10.

Next up, I ordered another weisse bier, an Erdinger Weissbier:This was a slight dissapointment. Especially as I had been watching all the 'locals' ordering this beer. It seemed to be the house speciality. Pity. The Weihenstephaner was far better.
It was okay, but something was wrong. Tasted like a cross between a wheat beer and a lager. Not quite right. Not bad, though. I often think of this as the 'Bud' of weiss beers. Available almost anywhere and mass produced till the ass falls off.
1,050yen.
5.5/10

Next, I ordered German potatoes:Again, not what I expected. The German potatoes I have previoulsy ordered in Japan have always been some combination of fried mashed potatoes with ham and some other 'stuff'.
These were already fried potateos, refried with some other 'stuff'.
Still, they weren't bad. just the right thing with beer, as they were very oily and salty although the garlic wasn't that evident, despite labelling them as the 'garlic flavoured' version in the extensive menu.
6.5-7/10.
(p.s. the menu is good - around 6 pages of choice ranging from Eisbein to pizza ot Japanese curry to... ...stuff.)

Then I had a Jever pilsner:Jever is a dry German pilsner. Dry and hoppy.
This one was no dissapointment.
I had confidence in my order, due to the quality of the beer at this establishment. Other places, even Popeyes included, vary in quality from time to time. I can honestly say that this is the best Jever I have ever had. Full of aroma, flavor, hoppiness and drier than my Grandmothers' crack after a weekends unsheltered sun basking in the Mojabe desert. It was that dry - but in a good way.
But it better bloody well had be, for 980yen for a medium sized glass.
8/10.

After that, I needed some moisture. The ladies were unresponsive and now I'm a horrible sexist pig and oink oink I decided on giving the garlic toast a try.Not bad. but 'toast with just a tiny smidging of garlic' would have been a more accurate label.
It was mostly toast. there was some garlic flavor. Mostly toast, though.
480yen.
5.5/10.

Helping me to process this culinary orgasmic platelet of delights was a steiner of Lowenbrau:One word of advice here is to let it sit a while. Better still, ask for an unchilled steiner beforehand. Once again, Jaspanese style outtrumps common sense. This lager needs to be cool but not frozen. To test my theory, order this frozen, take a few sips, then leave it to warm in your cupped hands for a few minutes, then sample it again. I guarantee the flavors and aromas will have matured and developed to a far more satisfactory degree. The beer's flavour will slowly blossom with the warmth, just as the frigid morning's etheral mist rises with the warmth of the life giving sun. Far be it from me to demand that a whole country change it's misgiven style of drinking a product that is as alien to it's ancient culture as the ABC.

Ooh! Who da beeyatch?!!!!

This place is lovely.
One of my favourite bars. Not so far away, either. Not far but not so easy to get to, unless you have a bike or don't mind walking (although the journey, along the Tsurumi river, is quite nice).
Needles to say I do not recommend driving to this place but in a country where the trains run on time and there are stations everywhere, hopefully that shouldn't need to be an issue. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world and some idiots drink before driving.

8/10

Address: 浜市鶴見区鶴見中央4-2-4
Google maps link: HERE中央4-2-
Phone:045-502-3458
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